Ekkehardt Gehring (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spelleton) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
datadiving2019-03-15 12:09 am
spelleton) wrote in datadiving2019-03-15 12:09 am
[He leans forward onto the table, heels of his palms digging into his closed eyes. He was there all along.
He was there all along. All this dancing around, this distance, this... everything...]
«It's not about forgetting, you fool. Or rather, it's not about me forgetting. You're the one who died. Twice now, apparently.»
He was there all along. All this dancing around, this distance, this... everything...]
«It's not about forgetting, you fool. Or rather, it's not about me forgetting. You're the one who died. Twice now, apparently.»
«Three times. I think. There was something between then and now..I tried to go home. But it doesn't exist any more.»
[ He's probably dead at the bottom of a cliff somewhere. Or drowned in the horrible murder swamp. That life was short, in the grand scheme of things. He doesn't care to remember it. ]
«But it is about forgetting. You try so hard not to talk about the past.
Haven't I already hurt you enough?»
[ Always thinking about others before himself. He's never been selfish. Even now -- he's stern and serious, exacting and stiff and precise - but devoted entirely to his work, to the wellbeing of others. ]
[ He's probably dead at the bottom of a cliff somewhere. Or drowned in the horrible murder swamp. That life was short, in the grand scheme of things. He doesn't care to remember it. ]
«But it is about forgetting. You try so hard not to talk about the past.
Haven't I already hurt you enough?»
[ Always thinking about others before himself. He's never been selfish. Even now -- he's stern and serious, exacting and stiff and precise - but devoted entirely to his work, to the wellbeing of others. ]
[Of course that's what Ekkehardt focuses on.
Of. Fucking. Course.
The same man as always deep down, no matter how much he forgot--what he knew and didn't know. It's as infuriating as it is relieving.]
«Spare me. You didn't even say a word before now. For all I know you'll wake up tomorrow morning and have completely forgotten any of this ever happened.»
Of. Fucking. Course.
The same man as always deep down, no matter how much he forgot--what he knew and didn't know. It's as infuriating as it is relieving.]
«Spare me. You didn't even say a word before now. For all I know you'll wake up tomorrow morning and have completely forgotten any of this ever happened.»
[ He finishes the second layer of reinforcement. Now for repulsion, ensuring the mask can't be torn off easily.
He keeps working, keeping his hands occupied. His conscious mind submerged, at least temporarily. ]
«I thought I was dreaming, or possessed, or I'd made it up...it's been so long.»
[ He sounds pained and, in truth, hurt. Frustrated. He doesn't have any right to be, he thinks, because Avery is correct. He'd never said anything before. He can't expect to be understood. He can't expect anything.
They've both changed so much. And maybe that's why he never spoke even when he could, because the person he was all those centuries ago had been good at never saying things.
The words at least you remember, at least you lived would be so easy to say, but he doesn't want to. It's far, far too cruel. He knows how high a price was paid for him to live. It's not any better. ]
«I didn't even know if you were real. I didn't even know if I was real.
There's nothing -- there's nothing left of me.»
[ There's a small tch as Ekkehardt pauses in his work, briefly. His hands are shaking in a way they wouldn't normally do, so he lets it pass, and continues. He shows no sign that he's aware a conversation is even happening. ]
He keeps working, keeping his hands occupied. His conscious mind submerged, at least temporarily. ]
«I thought I was dreaming, or possessed, or I'd made it up...it's been so long.»
[ He sounds pained and, in truth, hurt. Frustrated. He doesn't have any right to be, he thinks, because Avery is correct. He'd never said anything before. He can't expect to be understood. He can't expect anything.
They've both changed so much. And maybe that's why he never spoke even when he could, because the person he was all those centuries ago had been good at never saying things.
The words at least you remember, at least you lived would be so easy to say, but he doesn't want to. It's far, far too cruel. He knows how high a price was paid for him to live. It's not any better. ]
«I didn't even know if you were real. I didn't even know if I was real.
There's nothing -- there's nothing left of me.»
[ There's a small tch as Ekkehardt pauses in his work, briefly. His hands are shaking in a way they wouldn't normally do, so he lets it pass, and continues. He shows no sign that he's aware a conversation is even happening. ]
«I'm aware.»
[He hates this. He's there and not, gone but present, a locked away piece within a greater whole sitting there talking to him--taunting him with all the things in the world that just can't be.
The friend he had when he was young. The only piece of a home that no longer exists.]
«And I'm equally aware that you've confirmed my suspicions: you'll be gone by morning. Maybe even earlier. I could blink and it would be Gehring here while you disappear off to whatever void you've been holed away in.
So thank you for taking the time to rub it all in my face. Really appreciate it.»
[He hates this. He's there and not, gone but present, a locked away piece within a greater whole sitting there talking to him--taunting him with all the things in the world that just can't be.
The friend he had when he was young. The only piece of a home that no longer exists.]
«And I'm equally aware that you've confirmed my suspicions: you'll be gone by morning. Maybe even earlier. I could blink and it would be Gehring here while you disappear off to whatever void you've been holed away in.
So thank you for taking the time to rub it all in my face. Really appreciate it.»
[ All he'd ever wanted was to see him again, to know he was real. Hoping against hope, somehow, that he'd be happy. And now they're here, face to face, and all they have is this.
Why did he ever think it could be anything else? But that was him, wasn't it, making the best of it, trying to make things better or to be happy or to act like nothing had changed.
Something in him snaps.
The mask drops from his hands and it's as loud as if he'd slammed his hands on the table. It's only the knowledge that their younger selves are there that keeps him from being furious. Death had broken him again and again, left sharp edges rounded off by time but still capable of cutting. ]
«And you wonder why I never spoke to you.»
[ He doesn't raise his voice, but his tone is sharp and hurt and cold. He feels numb. ]
«If this is how you're treating me, then why should I bother?» [ His smile is bitter and frail and sad, because he can't in truth be angry for long, but it hurts. ]
«Why did I even bother to hope that I could do something?
I died trying to help you, and then I died trying to find you. And now we're both this and--it doesn't matter, does it?
It doesn't matter. Dying and coming back, it's all the same. To you, I'm nothing now.»
Why did he ever think it could be anything else? But that was him, wasn't it, making the best of it, trying to make things better or to be happy or to act like nothing had changed.
Something in him snaps.
The mask drops from his hands and it's as loud as if he'd slammed his hands on the table. It's only the knowledge that their younger selves are there that keeps him from being furious. Death had broken him again and again, left sharp edges rounded off by time but still capable of cutting. ]
«And you wonder why I never spoke to you.»
[ He doesn't raise his voice, but his tone is sharp and hurt and cold. He feels numb. ]
«If this is how you're treating me, then why should I bother?» [ His smile is bitter and frail and sad, because he can't in truth be angry for long, but it hurts. ]
«Why did I even bother to hope that I could do something?
I died trying to help you, and then I died trying to find you. And now we're both this and--it doesn't matter, does it?
It doesn't matter. Dying and coming back, it's all the same. To you, I'm nothing now.»
[There's a spark of fire within him that fizzles out as quickly as it comes to life, leaving only cold, heavy emptiness in its place.]
«Would you rather I act like her?»
«Would you rather I act like her?»
[ Unloading like that hadn't made him feel better. If anything, it had made him feel worse - but the words are there and can't be taken back.
He almost says is that what this is about? but -- of course it would be. Avery has changed so much, but of course he'd still be hurting. Even after centuries, he hasn't healed, and he can't blame Avery for that. ]
«You know that's not what either of us want. And you know that's not what I said.
Am I that painful to you?»
[ His voice is plaintive. If this is what happens when he surfaces, then maybe it's better if he drowns.
He doesn't know what he was expecting. All he can do is hurt. All he's ever been able to do is hurt, in the end. ]
He almost says is that what this is about? but -- of course it would be. Avery has changed so much, but of course he'd still be hurting. Even after centuries, he hasn't healed, and he can't blame Avery for that. ]
«You know that's not what either of us want. And you know that's not what I said.
Am I that painful to you?»
[ His voice is plaintive. If this is what happens when he surfaces, then maybe it's better if he drowns.
He doesn't know what he was expecting. All he can do is hurt. All he's ever been able to do is hurt, in the end. ]
«No. It's not... It's not you. It's...» [he waves a hand] «this. All this. Everything to do with it.
I don't know what brought you to the surface now or why or how, but I do know that it's temporary. So why even bother getting my hopes up?»
[You're just going to leave me alone again.]
I don't know what brought you to the surface now or why or how, but I do know that it's temporary. So why even bother getting my hopes up?»
[You're just going to leave me alone again.]
«I wanted to see you again.
You were my best friend. You still are.
Maybe I'm just...
I wanted to be selfish. Just for a little while. And I thought, maybe, it might make you less hurt. But even that...I can't do either of those well.»
[ He laughs, a little. Short and stifled. If he could still cry, he might be close to tears, but he can't, so he's not. ]
«I've ruined it already.»
You were my best friend. You still are.
Maybe I'm just...
I wanted to be selfish. Just for a little while. And I thought, maybe, it might make you less hurt. But even that...I can't do either of those well.»
[ He laughs, a little. Short and stifled. If he could still cry, he might be close to tears, but he can't, so he's not. ]
«I've ruined it already.»
Edited 2019-04-28 16:27 (UTC)
«Don't start with that. Don't you...»
[A command that fades into something almost pitiful.]
«Don't... Don't go.»
[A command that fades into something almost pitiful.]
«Don't... Don't go.»
[ It breaks his heart to hear that. He remembers a ruined kingdom and a dark forest and a home that's lost and knows that Avery is the one who's had to live with it for hundreds of years.
All alone. ]
«What else can I start with?»
«You know, better than anyone,» that I've always been this way.
[ He grew up again, without him there, and he's changed by time and circumstance and pain - but his soul is strong enough to keep coming back. ]
Don't be sad. [ He finally looks at his friend, his gaze level.
Ekkehardt is still the same person, in the end. Like he went away somewhere, and only just now returned. ]
«It doesn't suit you.»
All alone. ]
«What else can I start with?»
«You know, better than anyone,» that I've always been this way.
[ He grew up again, without him there, and he's changed by time and circumstance and pain - but his soul is strong enough to keep coming back. ]
Don't be sad. [ He finally looks at his friend, his gaze level.
Ekkehardt is still the same person, in the end. Like he went away somewhere, and only just now returned. ]
«It doesn't suit you.»
Edited 2019-04-28 16:49 (UTC)
[There's a part of him that wants to protest, to say he's not sad but angry or uncomfortable or that he ate something off or any other number of excuses, but he doesn't have the energy for it.
That said, he isn't completely out of steam. He arches an eyebrow and stares at Ekkehardt a moment, looking him right in the eye....
...and promptly tugs the corners of his lips into an exaggerated smile using his index fingers in a gesture of childish, defiant mischief.
It's as nostalgic as all the pranks he's played before.]
That said, he isn't completely out of steam. He arches an eyebrow and stares at Ekkehardt a moment, looking him right in the eye....
...and promptly tugs the corners of his lips into an exaggerated smile using his index fingers in a gesture of childish, defiant mischief.
It's as nostalgic as all the pranks he's played before.]
[ It's nostalgic enough to hurt, enough to get another laugh out of him. His own smile is more fond than it is sad. Some things are always the same, regardless of time and distance, death and change.
(He's always chasing after him.) ]
«See, I told you,» [ it's mostly filler, just to have something to say. Without really thinking about it, he leans forward a little, reaches out to place his hand on one of Avery's. ] «smiling suits you better.»
(He's always chasing after him.) ]
«See, I told you,» [ it's mostly filler, just to have something to say. Without really thinking about it, he leans forward a little, reaches out to place his hand on one of Avery's. ] «smiling suits you better.»
[If his cheeks are a little pink, it's entirely to do with the pressure he exerted at the corners of his mouth. Bloodflow was a tricky creature that way.]
«Yeah, yeah, I know. It's practically my trademark.»
«Yeah, yeah, I know. It's practically my trademark.»
[ The person he was, centuries ago, wouldn't have noticed that. Or if he'd noticed, he wouldn't have called attention to it.
The person he is now flashes a brief grin at that expression, but not mockingly; sharp and playful, but sincere. ]
«I know. I didn't forget that.
It's good to see you again, Avery.»
[ After a moment he removes his hand, but doesn't withdraw. He is giving him a bit of space, though; he knows this is...difficult. ]
The person he is now flashes a brief grin at that expression, but not mockingly; sharp and playful, but sincere. ]
«I know. I didn't forget that.
It's good to see you again, Avery.»
[ After a moment he removes his hand, but doesn't withdraw. He is giving him a bit of space, though; he knows this is...difficult. ]
[He huffs and folds his arms, tipping the chair back to rest on two legs.]
«It's good that you finally showed up. Don't run off again, you hear me?»
«It's good that you finally showed up. Don't run off again, you hear me?»
It's just so creepy... [Something else about it almost seems a little bit sad too.] I've seen other places that look a little nicer.
[Maybe not the best, but, better.]
[Maybe not the best, but, better.]
[This was all such a pain. It's bad enough that she had all those other chores to do (and then got backstabbed after finishing, the nerve...), but there was still her own mess to clean up. ...Which really wasn't her fault at all and the fact she had to fix it was really just unfair.]
[Either way, she eventually found the shattered hourglass and the strange, time distorting substance leaking out. Once inside, nothing looked that much difference from the outside.]
[Who knows how much crazier things will be once reaching the bottom though, and the kid better hurry if she wants to get there soon. Although...there was that feeling like she was being watched again. She curiously looked up to find it.]
[...Okay that is definitely someone the kid's never seen in this forest before. She would have definitely remembered running into a human...not counting the really scary lady in the manor. But it does take a little more time to notice anything that was familiar. ...Wait a second.]
-! Hey! [She wanders closer beneath the tree, to get his attention.]
[Either way, she eventually found the shattered hourglass and the strange, time distorting substance leaking out. Once inside, nothing looked that much difference from the outside.]
[Who knows how much crazier things will be once reaching the bottom though, and the kid better hurry if she wants to get there soon. Although...there was that feeling like she was being watched again. She curiously looked up to find it.]
[...Okay that is definitely someone the kid's never seen in this forest before. She would have definitely remembered running into a human...not counting the really scary lady in the manor. But it does take a little more time to notice anything that was familiar. ...Wait a second.]
-! Hey! [She wanders closer beneath the tree, to get his attention.]
Edited 2019-04-29 11:35 (UTC)
It is. But there's little that can be done to make it less so.
[ He's never had much interest in redecorating. Neither has Snatcher. And the less said about Vanessa's 'redecorating', the better. ]
It's home. That's all that matters.
[ He's never had much interest in redecorating. Neither has Snatcher. And the less said about Vanessa's 'redecorating', the better. ]
It's home. That's all that matters.
[ He glances down at her. He makes no indication of coming down yet, but he's certainly listening. ]
Hello.
This is an odd dream. Why are you here?
Hello.
This is an odd dream. Why are you here?
I'm here because of all of this! [Waves arms out to motion at everything. ...No this does not really explain anything.]
...You look different.
...You look different.
I see. [ He doesn't see at all, but he's always tended to make soothing understanding noises as a default reaction. ]
Do I, now? [ He looks down at himself, clearly confused. ] This is what I've always looked like, so I'll have to take your word for it.
Do I, now? [ He looks down at himself, clearly confused. ] This is what I've always looked like, so I'll have to take your word for it.
[What no, that's not at all how he looked.] Really? You always looked more like a dog before.
[She should know this, especially after riding on him a few times.]
[And no, not just because of that mask. Although that sure does not help.]
[She should know this, especially after riding on him a few times.]
[And no, not just because of that mask. Although that sure does not help.]
[ That seems to make something click in his head. ] Before? Ah.
No, this is what I looked like before. What I am now is different. [ Cryptic, as usual. ]
No, this is what I looked like before. What I am now is different. [ Cryptic, as usual. ]
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