Ekkehardt ????? (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heartchained) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
datadiving2019-08-11 03:28 am
heartchained) wrote in datadiving2019-08-11 03:28 am
heartchained) wrote in datadiving2019-08-11 03:28 am
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From that alone, it's easy to tell that he'd lived with it a while. But he doesn't seem to want to acknowledge it, so there it stays, like many things he's never said.)
He receives the same blurry feedback, though he's trying not to do anything, to make it easier for Avery to do...whatever it is he's doing.
He wonders if he's (they're?) still chained up. He makes a push to try and move anything, just to see if he can. ]
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I think we're outside. Somehow.
[It must have happened during the missing time. Not that he's about to complain. Better out in the woods than another second in that frozen room.]
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[ The sense of relief at not being trapped in a prison underground any more
(rapidly flickering memories of open air and stars and bright colours, the mountains he'd loved so much)
is almost overwhelming.
He doesn't try to push them to stand, not when they can barely see, so he tries to feel around a little more, tries to look around. Trying to figure out where, exactly, they are, what the state of them is. ]
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Maybe they should visit it again sometime.]
Almost... there.
[The world's still a little blurry, but little by little it's coming into focus. It's definitely nighttime, and Avery wonders if that's why the shadows seem a little darker than usual (and why the colors of the forest seem a little off). It looks a bit like he's peering out from behind a mask (and boy it's been ages since he's worn one, hasn't it?) and he assumes they must have grabbed Ekke's mask or something while making their escape. For shone reason.
Movement still feels a little off. The two of them are definitely managing to get something done if the way the earth feels beneath him is any indication, but even so, his arms and legs feel like they're bending in a way they shouldn't.
He lifts his head, fighting the dizziness the movement brings, and looks down where his hand should be.
There's a paw there--black fur fading into white--and on instinct he tries to jerk his hand away from it, only to watch as it makes the same movement.]
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The quiet moment is soon replaced by confusion, though, seeing what his friend sees and trying to understand it.
Maybe that's why things weren't working so well? A different body, maybe. One with paws instead of hands, and...
There's a sudden movement from somewhere behind them. Ekkehardt cranes his/their neck to see, catching a glimpse of a waving, fluffy tail. He has to resist the urge to chase it, but for a moment the desire to pursue is embarrassingly clear. ]
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In the end, there's only one way he can think of to express his current thoughts in words:]
Why the hell am I a freaking fox?!
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[ Maybe they did turn into a soul-eating monster, just not like they were supposed to? He pushes their shared body up and goes to find a source of water - or something, some reflective surface - that will shed more light on their condition.
It's so dark now. All around them, he can feel the movements of lost souls. He tries to push the sick feeling that gives him down for now. Getting a look at themselves comes first. ]
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What did Vanessa do to the forest? (Or maybe it was... No. It couldn't be. Neither he nor Ekkehardt would ever do this to their home. The souls of the dead, some kind of curse, it has to be something like that).
Finding a proper, clear pool of water is more difficult than it should be. He can see the faint outline of faces in the water, screaming, desperate, and it makes his insides twist so badly that he doesn't dare linger long enough to see past them and look at their reflection. Eventually, however, they manage to find a stream, the water clear and cold--from the well, he thinks.]
I can't tell if I took after you or if it's just coincidence. Your mask certainly seems to have made itself at home.
[He turns their head from side to side to better look it over.]
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It hurts to see the forest this way.
It's so cold. He misses the sun, the open sky, and for a moment his longing is so unhappily potent that it hurts. (He whines, and the sound that comes out is forlorn and, he thinks, pathetic.) But it fades, like everything else he feels.
He paws gently at their mask and feels it like he's touching their face. ]
Maybe it's because I was wearing it when we combined.
This is yours, though.
[ He bats at a few stray curls of spectral fur. They remind him far too much of how Avery's hair always sticks out to be coincidental. ]
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Then again, he supposes neither of them were a fox, so the whole making sense thing is out the window at the moment.]
I can't believe this.
[He sighs heavily and watches their mismatched yellow and red eyes narrow.]
If we could just figure out what happened...
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It wouldn't hurt to look around, maybe.
After all, the worst has already happened. I don't think anything else could hurt more.
[ Another brief swirl of emotions; pain, anger, a deep and bitter sense of betrayal. Another flash of memory from that lost time they both share.
--giving up his soul, it's so easy to feel those deaths, that destruction. The pain and fear of an entire kingdom soaks into the water and dyes it red, and dyes him too.
It's power that he can't control, a raging tide. Chains and ice, stone and soil, everything breaks in the face of it-- ]
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The fact that it's fear that gnaws at his insides more than anger only cements his desire not to think of her.]
Might as well. Could be a survivor or two.
[But he doubts it. The way they look now--the unnatural, spectral quality to their form--makes him wonder if they even managed to survive at all.]
There's a tree nearby.
[The image flashes in their mind clear as day, less a tree and more an unholy union of fungi and plant stretching up toward the night sky]
Should be easy to spot the damage from up there.
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To take his mind off all of it, to take their mind off all of it, he diverts attention into movement instead. And while he's not sure about wholly enjoying it, moving - once they've gotten used to it - is easy, fluid and agile in a way that no living being could easily achieve.
There's a benefit to being quadrupedal, he supposes. It's almost enjoyable, moving through the forest, the world blurring by. It seems that no time at all passes before they reach the tree, and what would have taken him a while to climb, even as an adult in the prime of his life
--it's night and he's climbing; he looks over to Avery to see him staring at the moon, and he looks so happy that he can't help but feel happy too--
seems to take no time at all before they reach the top. ]
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Here he'd thought he was the only one who got anything out of those nights, that Ekke was just indulging him.
The sight below them is ghastly, a twisted mass of shadowy vines, soul-tainted swamps, ruins, and ice, but if he tilts their head up to look at the moon and stars, it's almost like they're children again, seated on the edge of a mountain during a foray to the Skylines, the sky wide and open for all to bear witness to.
For the first time in days, he feels a little warm.]
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(He answers the question left unsaid through a fleeting thought; as long as you were happy, so was I.)
Even if what remains of their home is a distorted, twisted ruin of its former self, even if they've changed so much....the stars, the moon, the sky, are still the same, and that's some comfort, at least.
He vaguely wishes he could hold Avery's hand properly. He tries anyway. ]
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It takes him a moment to return the motion, a little unsure and self conscious and all the other little feelings he'd normally hide behind a joke and a smile out on display in a way he's wholly unused to.
But he's not alone--neither of them are-- and he doesn't want to think about what it would be like if they were, if they'd even be here at all. His thoughts had grown so dark down there, and if he'd lost Ekkehardt--
"It's my fault," he'd thought. "You fool, you saw the signs and did nothing because you were too busy playing HOUSE. Look where it got you!"
Too late he realizes the memory was on display, and he mutters out a muffled apology, shoving it aside]
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He's embarrassed by it, that's easy to tell, but not embarrassed enough to push it away or hide it.
He frowns at the memory, though. He curls his fingers around Avery's hand, squeezing gently. ]
You couldn't have known she'd take it that way. So you shouldn't blame yourself.
[ There's a brief pause. Guilt and sadness, shoved aside, returns; it's sudden and exhausting. He tries to push it away, but it's still noticeable. ]
And if it's anyone's fault, it's mine.
[ He'd noticed - it was impossible not to. Slow changes over time, the way he could never say no to her, had to talk her into everything. He'd acted and smiled and pushed himself just to please her; lost the things about him that Ekkehardt had always liked him for.
He'd scolded himself for it, that unhappiness (that heartbreak) he'd talked himself into not feeling. "It shouldn't matter so much to you," he'd said to himself. "As long as they're happy together, as long as he's happy, that's what matters." ]
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He wouldn't have noticed it before, if they had come together in any other way. But after the cellar, after being on the receiving end, he recognizes that pain far, far too well. And it hits him like a sack of bricks.]
Don't.
[It's not Ekkehardt's fault. Not in the slightest.]
I'm an adult and I can make my own choices. It just so happens that I made several terrible ones.
[And there he was blaming himself again, and he can easily see this going in circles.]
How about we make a deal? I can't exactly write anything up, but we should be able to make do.
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He just looks away. He feels embarrassed that his feelings are laid out so obviously, after he'd spent so long hiding them. ]
I--Okay. [ He hates how childish he sounds, but everything is too vulnerable to deliberate over his words the way he's used to. ] What kind of deal would you suggest?
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[He lets go of Ekkehardt's hand in order to extend his own for a handshake
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Very well. Deal.
[ It's pleasant contact. He doesn't want to relinquish that touch but just holding on after a handshake would be strange, he knows, so he lets go of Avery's hand after a moment.
.... ]
Now what are we supposed to do...?
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I guess starting a combination law firm and medical business is out of the question.
[He laughs weakly. It's a dumb joke, even for him, and he grows serious after.]
Do you still want to stay here? Even with everything... you know.
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[ Maybe they could go elsewhere, but for what purpose? Without somewhere to come back to, the wandering would seem worthless - for him, anyway. Maybe Avery feels differently about it.
He misses the warmth of having his hand to hold, small though it is. He puts his hand on his friend's, leans against his shoulder.
Not the same as it was, but it's enough. ]
Anyway, I'm not sure if they'd let a fox run a clinic without a license. [ The law firm might be easier, though. ]
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[He's seen fire spirits try to make their homes in the forest sometimes and he doesn't want them getting any ideas.]
It's not like it's hard.
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I suppose that's fair enough.
Do you still want to stay here? I know there's...places you don't want to go any more.
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