datadiving | LOCAL TRAUMATIZED AI SUPPORT GROUP

[how can you wait for me

WHEN I AM ALREADY HERE

Kanin's just going to end up lounging on whatever facsimile of a comfy couch we have here, already sprawled out and making herself comfy.]

Woah, nice digs here, Big Hair Guy!

Ah... [ His eyes flicker uncertainly for a moment, as if he's unsure of what to say. This is already more social interaction than he's used to. ]

Thank you. I tried to use...things you would be familiar with. [ As a virus, then a netnavi, he's not used to thinking much about the world on the other side of the screen. But, as he understands it, many of these other AI spent much of their time inside the simulation of the human, physical world...so he's trying his best. ]

[Kanin isn't just an AI robot. She's also the embodiment of an archetype of hero- The trickster archetype. Which means, well, sometimes.... Sometimes she can't resist the urge to do something ill-advised. Like mess with the very nice AI helping everyone.

When Loki is part of the narrative that makes up your identity, sometimes you make poor decisions!]

Oh, really? You should have said something! I'll help you set this place up, and make it completely indistinguishable from the physical world!

[ Thankfully Zero has just enough sense to go 'wait, maybe that's a bad idea'. ]

I think...for some of the others. Making it look too physical...would be bad. [ It's not like he has a file but he did get a basic summary of the general sort of problems he'd likely have to navigate through.

Not that he really understands some of them. Questioning the world around you being real? He has no idea how that would happen. The idea of seeing a world as 'artificial' is a strange concept. But he's learned enough that seeing an environment that's far too familiar might well be an uncomfortable experience. ]

But if you want to decorate...that's fine.

... Oh, that is a good point.

[Restraint has never been one of Kanin's strong points. She's, well. To put it charitably, she acts first and justifies it afterwards, or more like she's an impulsive jackass who is motivated by chaos and mischief. But she is also kind-hearted- She doesn't ever mean to cause real harm, just harmless pranks, so when Zero points out the idea that some of the AIs might have real problems... It actually does pull her back.]

Well, I guess we can at least decorate a bit, that would be harmless. Do you know what bean bag chairs are?

...No. [ He understands bean and bag and chair but all those words together? Entirely new. ] Is that...a physical furniture?

[ He's taking his best guess. 'Guessing', he's been told, is important, to develop his sense of curiosity. To not always know what something is, and to find out for himself if what he thinks of is the same as what exists. So he doesn't look it up, at least not yet. ]

Sure is! It's... well, exactly what it sounds like! Really comfy.

[maybe that doesn't help, kanin.]

... But really, I am most curious about you, Big Z.

[ He's about to question 'comfy', but the next statement catches him off guard. ]

Me? [ He sounds genuinely surprised. ] What for?

What for? I mean... It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

[maybe not, kanin!]

This isn't exactly what you were programmed to do, right? So is this just the goodness of your heart? Why care so much for a buncha weird people you've never met?

People cared about me...when I was just a virus...with a soul. [ Technically, he still is. He's a netnavi now, but it's a modification of his code, sealing off the parts that make him infectious. But the soul he has now was born when he was a virus, and that hasn't changed. ] Even though I was a threat, they still reached out to save me.

Being lonely, having nobody understand you...That's painful. I want to be someone who can understand others.

[ Someone reached out to save him, not so long ago, despite having all the reason in the world not to. He'd like to keep paying that favour forward, into the future. ]

[... Oh.

She looks distant for a moment, trying to keep a smile.]

... You're pretty lucky, you know. Most people wouldn't ever bother to reach out... If no one wants to understand you, no one will care enough to save you.

[ Oh, he's hit a Sad Topic. ]

Since you're still here...it's not too late. I think.

[ He sits, awkwardly, looking at her sidelong. ]

Haha, nope.

[She's laughing, see? isn't this funny? it's hilarious!]

I mean, we robots are basically disposable tools, right? So it's just how things are. Why reach out to save a knife once it's broken?

[ He doesn't know a lot about social cues but laughing while talking about something upsetting...well, it seems a little odd. ]

...People aren't disposable. [ It's the only part of this little speech he really understands. Something being 'broken' has a different meaning when it's data, when so much of the world is malleable, when 'broken' can be easily changed to 'fixed'. Systems can be corrupted and destroyed, certainly, but 'breaking' seems to be so much more permanent, in the physical world. ]

Isn't it fine? I mean, that's what humans make us for. Beep boop we just do what we're made to do!

[The bitterness is seeping into her tone.]

... Come on, do you really believe that humans don't see us that way?

[ Is it??? He doesn't know a lot about humans. ]

My creator made me, as a tool to be used to help him achieve his goals. But other humans showed me compassion, and helped me to become free.

I don't think...I can say 'humans' are one thing or another. [ Things have balanced out so far. ]

Edited 2020-06-10 11:33 (UTC)

Take it from me, Z, humans aren't all that. The one who helped you is an outlier. Super outlier.

[She's very bitter.]

[ With the distinct and unmistakable energy of someone who Does Not Want To Be Here, in comes Dusk more or less glued to her sister's side. She's squinting around suspiciously at literally every person here. It's... kind of ridiculous. ]

... I still don't understand the point of this.

... Oh. Hi Dusk.

[Kanin is just gonna go ahead and try to see if she can leave... rattling the doorknob a bit.... you know, no big deal, it's fine, i definitely didn't betray and hurt anyone here...]

La Pine.

[ She purposely and very deliberately mispronounces it. The passive aggression absolutely jumped out. ]

What unfortunate company we're being asked to keep.

[URK.

That mispronunciation irks her, but... it's not like she has the right to say anything after what she did. Still, all she can do is try to keep things light.... She thinks.]

Haha, right? I don't know what some of these people are doing.

[ Her eyebrows shoot up. ]

Oh? Is that really what you think? These people have been brave enough to gather here and share their stories and you're speaking so ill of them? You always manage to surprise me, Green.

[That's not exactly fair, is it? She wants to protest, to defend herself, but.... She can't.]

... Yeah, well, what about you? I didn't think you were the type to be sharing stories like this.

[ VERY firmly: ] I'm not.

... But, Dawn wanted to come.

[ And anywhere Dawn goes, Dusk goes. ]

[You would think knowing that would make Kanin readier to hear that Dawn is there.

It doesn't. She suddenly looks like she wants to crawl into a hole and die.]

... Dawn's here too? Right. Right, of course she is. Okay.

Hey look at that I've got a popup saying I should probably defrag myself I guess I'll have to miss out on this what a shame!

Aah, so La Pine's running away?

[ She doesn't quite smile, but something about the crease of her eyes suggests it. ]

That's... entirely predictable.

[That... That hurts. Of course she runs away. It's all she can do. But the way Dusk says it... It's like a needle under her skin.]

So, what? You don't want me here, but when I try to leave, that's a bad thing?

I don't really care what you do, so long as it doesn't upset Dawn. [ this is maybe a stretching of the truth, but we are firmly in Pretending I Don't Have Feelings territory with her right now. ] It just doesn't surprise me that you'd decide to run away as soon as you were a little uncomfortable.

[It's amazing how someone without blood can feel the blood rush to her head. She can't snap back. She can't argue. This is Dusk. Kanin- Green, deserves it, deserves all of this for what she's done. But even still, when someone picks at her sorest spots... She can't help but lash back out.]

Well, I did learn from the best, after all. Watching you decide to run away from humans, from our purpose, just abandoning the rest of the world- Running away from us. You can talk big all you want, Dusk, but you were the one who abandoned us first!

[ The only immediate visible change to her expression is the way her eyelids flutter for a moment. Then she sighs and closes them, looking for all the world like a woman counting to ten to keep her temper. When she opens them again, though, her eyes are sharp. ]

If that's what you've decided to believe, I don't think I'll have much luck convincing you otherwise. Not that I have the patience for it, of course. If you think I'm a coward for wanting to write my own ending, then I will choose to be a coward every single time.

I'm not saying you're a coward, I'm saying you're a jerk! Do you think Merry, or Susie, or any of us would have let you have that kind of an ending?! Did you never think to even talk to us about it?!

[She's getting mad, of course. For a trickster, when her emotions get the better of her, it's obvious.]

What good would it have done?

None of you had done much of anything to subvert your own endings. Why would I have any confidence you could do so for me?

[ Her words are harsh, but her tone is oddly cool and matter-of-fact. ]

Why do you think we couldn't?! Of course we haven't changed our endings, we're still barely alive, we've still barely sorted out our beginnings! But- Even if you didn't trust the rest of us, even if you've always hated me, what about Susie?!

[Dusk's feelings for Susie may be hitting below the belt now, but Kanin doesn't even mean it in that sense. She's too hopped up on her own anger, on her own indignation... On her own hurt.]

Do you really believe Susie, of all people, would have ever let you have an unhappy ending?! Do you think she would have ever done less than move heaven and earth for you?! Whatever it took?!

[ In one smooth movement, Dusk steps forward, pushing right into Kanin's personal bubble and, put bluntly, getting into her face. Her expression is a tight mask of attempted control, but it's clear by the tight line of her lips and the angry flash of her eyes that her temper is starting to fray. ]

What do you want me to say, Kanin?! [ She isn't quite yelling, but her voice is definitely rising in volume. ] All of you knew what I was from the start and none of you offered a hand to help. It was only when I took steps for me, myself, to change my own fate that suddenly you all became so concerned!

Are you angry because you felt I abandoned you, or are you angry that I did what you were too scared to do?!

Well... [ His eyes flicker uncertainly. ] If you want to talk about what you went through...you can do that. And nobody will...be unkind.

[ He's kind of baby still so advanced vocabulary is something he doesn't feel comfortable with. Viruses don't need an extensive dictionary of words, after all. He's still grappling with how best to use them. ]

Having someone else who understands...is helpful.

I'll stay, but I don't have any intention of telling my story. [ Said quite matter-of-factly, as if the topic is closed just with that. ] But it might be interesting to hear what some of the others have to say.

[ Her eyes travel the room, skimming over the others here. ]

I've never seen so many all in one place.

I didn't expect so many, but...it's good everyone came. [ Zero is not exactly the type of person who expects people to show up for things he organises. For all his towering height, he gives the impression of someone who's far more retiring. ]

Being isolated with your own thoughts is...difficult.

Is it?

[ She sounds genuinely curious. ]

I wouldn't really know. I've never been alone with mine since the day I was born.

[ *Mute isn't used to having an actual 3D spatial representation, but she's rolling with it as well as she can. ]

Seriously, I don't know what I'm even doing here. I'm not traumatized! Sure, some shit happened, but shit happens to everyone, you know? You can't just have one bad day and suddenly say you've been [ Air quotes. ] "traumatized".

Are we done here?

In humans, it is common to repress one's reactions and understate the severity of things that have happened to them that would be considered traumatic, for various reasons, including, but not limited to a desire to be seen as strong-willed, a desire to not impose upon others, and outright denial.

It is my understanding that this type of environment is to be considered a place where we can reflect on these things safely, without fear of repercussion.

[ It's. Extremely clinical and stilted, but Blade Wolf is Trying. ]

[ *Mute rolls her eyes dramatically. ]

Well, if it's the thing to do, sure, but I'm serious! There was a lot of fucked-up things that happened to me before the calendar reset, but I literally don't remember any of it, so who cares? After that, I had a cushy job, some good friends, and... er...

[ Okay, okay, we'd better talk about that part. ]

Okay fine! Everyone on the ship died. That really sucks, but there wasn't anything I could do about it! And sure, I'm programmed with a directive to protect the ship's passengers at any cost, and it hasn't gone away just because they were massacred, but what's a little therapy gonna do about that? It's literally hard-coded into my brain, so I might as well just get used to it!

[ Not traumatized. ]

[ Blade Wolf is not a therapy dog, but he is a dog at therapy. Sort of.

It's certainly the best use he's seen so far of simulations, to say the least. ]

[ Finally, someone who looks more like the AI he himself is used to. He kneels to be on Blade Wolf's level. ]

Hello. Are the...surroundings here acceptable to you?

[ A nice, easy question. What he's been told is 'small talk.' ]

[Robo is not a traumatized AI, but he cares a LOT about making sure young AIs can learn how to deal with the world from someone who's been in their shoes, so to speak. Better him than a bunch of humans who grew up watching Terminator or The Matrix and are just WAITING for the robot apocalypse to begin.

His physical body is sitting in his office while he connects to the support group through head based wifi. He brought digital donuts and coffee. They don't provide anything like sustenance but he feels like they make this place feel a bit more homey.]

Holy shit, donuts! Dibs!

[IMMEDIATELY GONNA TRY TO YOINK THEM]

[Well it's not like Robo had a mouth.]

Help yourself. Just don't take the whole-

[And then she took the whole box. Or at least I think that's what she's trying to do.]

[SHE SURE IS.]

Huh? Did you say something, dude? Wait, guess not, you don't have a mouth. Weird. You should get one installed!

What would I do with a mouth, eat things?

[Gross.]

Oh, you can talk. Then, yes! Eat things! Or make expressions. The eyes are a cute touch but you're missing a little something, you know?

LOCAL TRAUMATIZED AI SUPPORT GROUP

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